Where did you get a picture of my penis
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
