Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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