unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The air was thick with penises
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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