Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
