i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
