Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
