with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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