happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
