Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
