So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
