No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
