so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
