I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
