How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
