my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
