def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
