It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
