rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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