i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
