Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
