Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I just sharted jello shots
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
