If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
