fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
