I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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