I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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