I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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