Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
