just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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