a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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