Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize