I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
