Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
