my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The air taste purple.
Randomize
