I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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