There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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