I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
