once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
