I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
