How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
