Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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