sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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