You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
