You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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