see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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