just tell him i said nine months
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize