I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
