she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
