garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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