FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
