So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
