I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
