oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't turn off my feet"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize