actually, I'm a sock model
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
