It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
