Only a mothe r could love this liver
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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