I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
