So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
