oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
