**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
