So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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