listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
