About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
