Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
