Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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