theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
