She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
