Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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