Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
