He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
