Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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