party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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