you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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