Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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