Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
someone owes me an orgasm
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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