I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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