my mouth tastes like poor choices
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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