My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
