Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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