Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
