so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
