I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
