Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
