i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
