The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
