No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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