I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
