Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
