bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
