It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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