I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
