dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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