I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
