you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
