Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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